The Nice Trap

Book Notes

Feb 5

Written By Rositsa

How breaking the "nice trap" can fast-track your career, especially if you’re steering the creative ship.

I have always found gems in unlikely places. My favorite downtime is crystalizing marketing and management insights from sources that have nothing to do with those topics. Take "Not Nice" by Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD for example - a fascinating dive into the psychology of people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and the reluctance to express one's true self. This book, though seemingly distant from management or marketing, holds invaluable lessons on understanding people— a fundamental aspect of any managerial or marketing role, whether in creative industries or beyond.

Recognizing and nurturing individual potential, embracing authentic expression, and fostering an environment where every team member can truly shine are not just psychological principles; they're cornerstones of effective leadership. After all, the essence of management and marketing lies in our ability to understand and inspire people. Here are some of my takeaways from "Not Nice" by Dr. Aziz Gazipur.

The Myth of the Yes-Man

In the realm of marketing and creativity, there’s a dangerous misconception that being agreeable is the key to success. We've all been there, nodding enthusiastically during meetings or brainstorming sessions, even when ideas are as uninspiring as a blank canvas. Gazipura's book slams this notion. Dr. Aziz Gazipura’s book confronts this idea, suggesting that a constant state of agreeableness stifles our true potential. Approach your work with a balanced mindset, and share your ideas with confidence and composure. Encourage your team to contribute in the same manner. Remember, innovation and success thrive in an environment of collaboration, not control.

Assertiveness: Your New Creative Palette

Imagine a meeting where you're pitching an out-of-the-box idea. The client raises an eyebrow; your team looks nervously at you. The old you might backtrack. But the new, 'Not Nice' you? You hold your ground. This doesn't mean being disagreeable. It means articulating your vision with confidence. Assertiveness is not about being loud; it’s about being clear. Clarity is the first step towards creating something truly memorable.

Feedback: The Double-Edged Sword

In creative professions, feedback is as essential as coffee. But here’s the twist: giving and receiving honest feedback is a challenge when you’re stuck in the "nice" gear. Gazipura points out that constructive criticism is a cornerstone of growth. I learned to provide feedback that’s like a scalpel – precise and to the point – rather than a comforting pat on the back. And in receiving feedback, I have learned to focus on the value each piece of feedback offers rather than taking every comment personally.

The Art of Saying No

Ah, the hardest word in any language, really, for the chronic nice. Gazipura emphasises the power of 'no.' In the creative industry, this translates to not overcommitting and knowing your (and your team's) limits. It means not jumping on every single project that comes your way and focusing on what truly aligns with your vision. Remember, every time you say no to something that doesn’t fit, you’re saying yes to more creative freedom.

Empathy vs. People-Pleasing

Here's the clincher: being 'not nice' doesn’t mean being heartless. Gazipura differentiates between empathy and people-pleasing. As a creative director, my job is to understand the client's vision, but not at the expense of my team's creativity and well-being. Striking this balance is an art – one that requires listening, and understanding, but also guiding the narrative.